


One More Conversation

by Paranoidhes



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Harry, Character Death, Depression, M/M, Sad, Top Louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-13 01:33:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7956988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paranoidhes/pseuds/Paranoidhes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if you could see someone who's died for only a day, have them visit you and only you could see them and hear them. Would you risk your sanity? Or would you go on not knowing what it would be like to have one more conversation?</p>
<p>Or AU where Harry dies and Louis is struggling to cope. Harry visits him to remind him of a reason to live.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One More Conversation

**Author's Note:**

> hiii! I wrote this in a day and I put a lot of thought into it... In it, a Twitter user is mentioned and that's mine, and no I did not tweet that, but I didn't want to use a Twitter user that was someone else's without asking, which is why I just used my own. Other than that, enjoy! (I'm sorry if it's sad).

_"BOYBANDER DIES IN CAR CRASH"_

_"DEADLY ACCIDENT KILLS HEART THROB HARRY STYLES"_

_"ONE DIRECTION OVER: MOURNING OF LOST MEMBER"_

It's been eight months. Eight months to the day and headlines are still talking about how some drunk idiot took the life of Louis Tomlinson's soulmate, the love of his life, his heart and his home.

The break was going to be over in two more weeks. They were coming back. The band was going to come back and put out another album, but now just hearing Harry's pre recorded voice makes Louis choke on his sobs, so the boys decided as a group to just end the band, never releasing the almost completed album.

Louis ran out of tears long ago, only three weeks after Harry died. He had spent his entire day crying, even when his family forced him into eating. Tears would mix in with his vegetables, his mum would get upset, and she'd join him in crying silently over dinner.

Louis had also spent one of those weeks with Harry's family, letting Anne cry on his shoulder and held onto Gemma as she sobs all over his sweater. Harry's sweater. Which still smelled like him.

Anne and Gemma needed Louis, needed to hear him talk about the happy times he'd had with Harry, whether that was his failure at cooking his first and only time with Harry, or the time they got their first matching tattoos, Anne and Gemma smiled through their watery eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

All Louis does now is let out sobs or wince when Harry is brought up in a conversation, numb, but still sensitive to the subject. He had denied going to any interviews with the other two boys whenever he was asked, not ready to be publicly asked about Harry, that is until month five.

Month five was in September, and the boys were supposed to come back in June, but they didn't. Liam and Niall told Louis about an interview with Nick Grimshaw about things. Louis hated Nick, he really did, but he was close with Harry, and maybe going to an interview with him would be interesting.

The three boys went to the interview and sat down with Nick. "How are you, boys?" He asked politely, and Liam answered saying how they were holding up, still a bit down and whatnot. "Louis, haven't seen or heard from you in a while. You pretty hurt still about what happened?"

Louis paused and just looked into the darkness of the microphone in front of him. He gulped down the lump in his throat. "Hurt-" his voice came out raspy from the lack of talking he's been doing. He clears his throat. "Hurt doesn't even begin to describe the pain I'm feeling, Nick."

Liam and Niall give Louis a sympathetic look, and Liam pats his back soothingly. "We're here for ya, mate," Niall says.

"Now was it the loss of your best friend that hit you the most or the end of the band era?" Louis figured he was asking all three of them, but his eyes stayed glued on Louis. He knew Nick knew about him and Harry. He knows Harry had told him at some point in the four years they were together. Louis thinks Nick is trying to get him to say something about Harry not only being his 'best friend'.

"It was the loss of my soulmate that hit me harder than any train ever could," Louis answered, voice clear and more confident.

Liam and Niall went wide-eyed next to him. They weren't in a band anymore, so there was nothing to lose. No one could stop him. "Soulmate?" Nick repeated.

"Yes, Harry and I were together for four years before he passed," Louis replied, still sounding confident.

"Four years. Wow. Well, Louis, if you could say anything to Harry right now, what would it be?" Nick asked.

 "I'd tell him-" he had to think about it. He doesn't really know what he'd say. That he loves him? That he'd give anything to see him one more time? Ask him how heaven is? "I'd tell him we'll meet again some day, and not to worry," Louis says. "I know he's worrying up there, like, how I'm handling this all poorly and how he'd want to comfort me, so I'd tell him not to worry."

"And that you'd get through it?" Nick adds.

"Yes," Louis says. "Exactly."

"We're so proud of you, Lou," Niall says and he doesn't know if it's for the fact that he isn't crying right now, or the fact that he just came out to public radio.

That's why month five was difficult. After that interview, Louis was bombarded with questions and calls about what had been said on air with Nick. Everyone wanted to know about his and Harry's relationship and why it was hidden from the public. He couldn't expose his management, he could get sued for that, so he blamed himself, saying how he never felt ready and how Harry and him always fought over it. How it caused big issues with the band and tension between them, but the love never stopped, and he's glad it didn't.

Louis didn't want to answer every phone call, but he did. He gave the media everything they wanted because there was a lot to clear up. The baby with Briana, the past relationships with girls, Harry's relationships with girls, and it took a lot of thinking, but Louis was able to do it because it somewhat kept his mind off of why he was really doing this.

It pleased fans a little bit to hear from him and to hear the sound of his voice. He spent a while on Twitter just talking to fans, catching up with them and just assuring them that he was okay and he wasn't gone too. He answered the questions from the fans regarding his and Harry's relationship and one just stuck with him.

_@Iittlespud: @Louis_Tomlinson you and harry will meet again in a much better, much less stressful place, I promise .x_

Louis teared up because damn, he'd do anything to just see Harry again.

This was how everything was for three months; Louis answering fans and paps and everyone who had a second to talk to him. He didn't mind it, it kept him busy.

One day Louis was cleaning the house that was already clean, trying to keep his mind occupied. His mind kept transferring to Harry and how he'd scold him for making a mess in their house and tried to force Louis to clean it. They'd just end up cleaning it together or end up making an even bigger mess. Louis smiled at the memories they had made. Louis' thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a knock on his door. His and Harry's door. This was still their place.

As Louis went to answer it, the person knocked again and again. "Louis?" The person called at him, and it sounded like Lou, their stylist.

Louis opened the door to see Lou with Lux in her arms. "Hi," he greeted, "come on in."

They entered and followed Louis into the living room. His and Harry's living room. He still owned everything in this house just as Louis did. "How're you holding up? Rough couple of months, yeah?" She asked as Lux climbed off her lap and over to hug Louis' leg, to which Louis smiled fondly at. Harry was better with Lux than he had been, he always was.

"Not really much worse than all the other months, just more hectic," Louis responded. "Just busier."

"Have you heard from Simon at all?" She asked.

"No, he hasn't contacted me since we decided to end the band, but that was only for the paperwork," Louis said, running his fingers through Lux's long, blonde hair.

The two of them played catch up for a little bit, Lou explaining how hard this has been for all of them. Harry was the light of the band, made everyone smile and was always polite to every single person that helped out. The crew was devastated as well when they found out the news of Harry's death, and they knew the band would never be the same.

"Guess who called me yesterday," Lou said. Louis gave her a questioning look. "Zayn."

"What?" Louis was shocked. "I haven't heard from him in months. He called to give his condolences and that was it," Louis was almost mad at Zayn for that. He had been in the band for five years, the least he could do would be to stay with the other boys and comfort them, or comfort someone. Although, Louis never asked anyone about Zayn and how involved he was with everyone else. For all he knew, it was just him that he was avoiding, not wanting to deal with a broken boy like Louis.

"He asked about you," Lou added.

"I doubt that," Louis said.

"He's been with Liam and Niall constantly since the interview with Nick. They want you to come hang out with them a little bit more," Lou said picking Lux back up on her lap.

"I don't want to," Louis said. "I'm fine here."

"Louis, you can't just spend the rest of your life in this house. You have to get out of here, maybe even sell the place-"

"No."

"Louis-"

"I'm not selling it, so don't ask again." Louis didn't mean to sound cold, but he was tired and drained, like always. He's not really in the mood for visitors anymore. "I have things to do," he said, getting up from the couch and into the kitchen to clean something. Lou followed him.

"Please let me, or anyone know if you need anything. We know how hard this is for you-"

"Do you? Do you know? Honestly, do you have any idea? I'd love to know if you seriously have any clue what it's like to lose the love of your life," Louis snapped.

"Louis, I lost my mom when I was eleven-"

"That's different," he interrupted.

Lou sighed. "Losing a loved one is so hard, Louis, we know, so you need to talk to us," she begged.

"Whatever," he continued cleaning his already clean counter, getting every speck of dust off the now unused kitchen. Louis never cooked. Harry always did.

"We'll be back to check on you soon!" She yelled as she walked herself out. Louis peeked out of the kitchen and watched her close the door behind her. He let out a big sigh. What could he possibly do now?

" _Louis_..."

And what the fuck?

" _Loooouieeeeeeee_..."

"What he fuck?" Louis' head whipped around looking for the source of this voice. He knew that voice. He was going insane. "Harry?"

" _Boo, I'm here_ ," his voice was clearer. It was distinct. It was there, he knew it.

"Where, baby? Tell me where," he demanded softly, voice full of wonder. His legs felt like they would crumble beneath him. The house was so big and so open, he could be anywhere.

" _Our bedroom_ ," his voice was only a whisper now, and Louis' legs moved faster than his mind could.

With tears in his eyes from hearing the angelic voice of the love of his life, Louis ran faster than he ever could up the large staircase and ran to his bedroom door. His and Harry's bedroom door.

He stopped before he opened it, breathing heavily. "Harry?" He said to the door.

" _Louis_ ," the whisper was there. He was there, he had to be. With shaky hands, Louis gripped the doorknob. His breath was caught in his throat and the panting stopped.

He slowly opened the door, but he closed his eyes. "Harry?" He whispered, eyes still closed, a couple tears falling down his cheeks. He blinked open his eyes and he was there.

Wearing a soft black sweater, Louis' favorite, and black jeans with white socks, Harry was sitting right there on his bed. He looked younger than he had when he passed. He looked like he had in 2014 when they did their first stadium tour. Harry looked so innocent, so pure, and so _real_.

Louis wasn't breathing. Tear after tear flowed down his cheeks but he couldn't feel it. He could collapse at any second. There he was, the love of his life, sitting cross-legged on his bed. Their bed.

When he finally caught his breath, he slowly walked forward, as quiet as possible, mouth agape. As he approached the bed, only about a foot from Harry, he reached his hand out and Harry's eyes followed his hand. Louis didn't know where he was planning on placing his hand, just somewhere on Harry, just to feel if he was actually there or Louis was going mental.

Harry brought his hand up to meet Louis'. Their fingers laced together and Louis let out a breath he knew he was holding. He almost laughed, feeling the tears now. "Harry?" He asked one more time, wanting to hear his voice this close for the first time in eight months.

"It's me," he said, voice no longer a whisper, voice actually there. "I'm here, Lou."

Louis let out a choked sob as he let go of Harry's hand and wrapped his arms around the boy's neck, never wanting to let go. He tackled Harry onto the mattress and Harry giggled in his ear. Louis was saying incoherent things while sobbing into Harry's chest. "You're here *sob* you're okay *sob* I missed you so much *sob sob sob*" and it went on like this for hours where the two were just crying.

***

When Louis calmed down, Harry built up the courage to speak and explain why he was there. He was running his fingers through Louis' feathery hair as they both sniffled and hiccuped every once in a while. "I'm still dead, Lou," he said. Louis looked up at him to see his puffy eyes and bright red nose.

"W-what? You mean-"

"No, you're not hugging a ghost right now, well, technically you are, but I'm really here. Only you can see me," he explained.

"I don't get it," Louis was confused.

"I'm here today because you need me more than ever," he said. "You're not doing okay, my love, you're slowly killing yourself."

"No..no I'm fine, Harry, really, I'm okay," he sat up and stared at Harry. "I mean..yeah I've just lost a few pounds," he picked his shirt up revealing his newly exposed ribs and flat stomach.

"Lou-"

"I'm fine! I said in that interview with Nick that if I could tell you anything, it would be not to worry, and that I'm fine, so I am. I'm fine."

Harry sat up and stared right into Louis' eyes. They just stared at each other, the sound of their breathing barely audible. "You're not fine," Harry said, breaking the silence. Louis watched his lips move. Those were his lips. His _real_ lips.

Louis stayed quiet, not wanting to argue with Harry anymore. He was here. Harry was right in front of him. He didn't want to waste any time he had with him. He didn't know how limited his time was. "How long are you here?" Louis didn't want to hear the answer, worried about how precious his time was with his love.

"Just for the rest of the day, until we go to sleep," he said. Louis winced, as if someone just ripped off a band-aid.

"And you're only here because I need you?"

"Yes, I'm here to tell you to stop doing what you're doing. You're hurting yourself and you're not doing anything about it."

Louis stayed quiet again. He couldn't cry anymore, he couldn't if he tried. He let out a small laugh, sniffling. "I'm just happy you're here," he sighed as he grabbed Harry's hand again and Harry gave him a smile, dimples showing and all. "Why do you look younger?" Louis asked.

"When you die, you get to pick what age you want to look in heaven, and I wanted to be twenty," he explained. "You don't have long to choose, so that's just the first age that came to mind."

"But why twenty?"

"I was the happiest. Being twenty and twenty-one were the best years of my life, I think, so why not be them forever?" Louis smiled fondly at Harry, squeezing his hands tighter around Harry's.

"So," Louis was afraid to ask his next question. "Have you seen..everything that's happened? Since you've been gone?"

"Yeah," he said, eyes drifting to watch Louis and Harry's hands intertwined. Harry began to rub his thumb over Louis' knuckles. "I know what happened during the interview with Nick."

"So-"

"I'm really proud of you," Harry interrupted.

"What?"

"I'm really really proud of you. For that. Not for your lack of eating or your obsessive cleaning. I mean, not that I'm complaining, the place looks great-" Louis would normally shut Harry up by kissing him. It would work and Harry would giggle into the kiss. Louis didn't want to shut him up this time, no, he wanted to listen to him talk for hours, but he had to kiss him. He was fighting the urge to kiss him since the second he saw him. He's waited long enough. So he kissed him.

And it was almost exactly the way it used to be before Harry was gone. It was like they were back on tour kissing on the tour bus or in a hotel bedroom in a city that wasn't important. Nothing was important other than Harry when their lips touched.

Louis pushed Harry back until he was laying down on the mattress again, lips never disconnecting. One of Louis' hands were on Harry's chest and the other was holding himself up. He moved his legs to straddle Harry and switched his hand to now cup Harry's cheek. Harry wrapped his arms around Louis' neck as he tried to pull him closer.

Harry pulled away from the kiss to speak. "Eight months and you haven't found anyone else?" He questioned.

"Eight months and there are no heavenly guys to drool over?"

"Only been watching you, Lou," he responded, as if he was already melted in Louis' hands. Louis went back down to push their lips together, molding his body with Harry's, like two puzzle pieces finally finding one another.

"I needed you, Harry," Louis whispers, breathing a little heavily now.

"I know you did, Boo," Harry's hands found the hem of Louis' shirt and pulled it over his head. Louis did the same with Harry's sweater. Louis felt down Harry's chest, still in awe as if it were the first time he'd seen it. Ink was spread all over his skin and his perfect abs were displayed nicely. Louis kept dragging his hands up and down Harry's chest, completely distracted from the fact that Harry was just watching his small hands move.

"Missed you so much," Louis said. Harry didn't respond. "Missed hugging you, and kissing you, and touching you, and-"

"And fucking me?" Harry added. Louis let out a chuckle as his eyes teared up again.

He bit his lips and just nodded at Harry. "Yeah, especially that," he said.

They sat in silence for a few moments and then Harry sat up on his elbows and furrowed his eyebrows at Louis. "Well, what are you waiting for? Time is money, Louis."

Louis' jaw dropped but he still smiled. The two giggled and quickly undressed.

***

"I can't believe you said 'time is money'," Louis laughed.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Whatever, it got you naked so it shouldn't matter," and they both giggled some more like teenagers.

Louis suddenly stopped. "Wait," he said. "I don't have any condoms."

"What? Why?"

"Eight. Months. Harry."

They sat in silence for a second, Louis on top of Harry completely naked. "Well maybe I'll get an STD," Harry commented, making Louis burst into laughter, hiding his face in his hands.

Harry pulled Louis arms away from his face and pulled Louis back down to kiss him.

They giggled into each other's mouths and kissed passionately, knowing this would probably be the last time they do this.

"Fuck me, Louis Tomlinson," Harry whispered into Louis' mouth.

In one swift motion, Louis pushed his body up and line himself up next to Harry's hole. "You sure about this, baby? Not even a prep?" Harry sat up again so he was face to face with Louis. He kept their eyes locked as he spit in his hand and rubbed his saliva on Louis' cock. Louis' eyes fluttered and he fought to keep them open to just watch Harry's eyes turn the dark green color. Harry then nodded reassuringly at him.

"I'm sure."

Harry laid back down on the bed, shutting his eyes so he can just feel Louis move. Louis lined himself up again and slid himself in, grounding loudly as he feels the skin slipping inside, friction giving him a burning sensation on his dick. He doesn't know if it's a good burning though. Harry winces as Louis continues to slide in. "Just tell me if you want to stop, okay?" He nods.

Once he's all the way in, he checks on Harry again. "You alright, love?" He asks. Harry nods, opening his eyes to see Louis moved his face closer to his.

"Move," Harry commanded and louies obliged, moving his pelvis so that he moved around in Harry. Harry moaned. "Been so long," he said, breathless.

Louis moaned in response. "I know, baby, I know," he began to move faster, grinding his hips on Harry as Harry met up with his thrusts. Harry's hands tugged at Louis' hair and Louis kissed him. Hard. The passion was endless, and the two never wanted this to stop.

Louis felt like he was flying, finally close to someone he's missed so much for eight months. He was so in love with this boy that no pain could match the pain of losing him.

"I love you," he choked out, slowing down a bit so they could both catch their breaths.

"And I love you," Harry replied and they kissed again. Louis then sat up and began working on Harry's cock, moving his hand to match the rhythm of his thrusts. Harry groaned. He was close, they both were.

"Ugh, fuck," Harry cursed, coming over the edge and letting go all over Louis' hand. Louis thrusted a few more times before spilling into Harry while yelling his name. It was heavenly, and no feeling could ever match this.

Louis collapsed next to Harry, breathing uneven. "Fuck," he said between breaths. "It's like you're a god now."

Harry choked out a laugh. "Very funny," he said.

"What now?" Louis asked.

"Well I don't know about you, but I'm pretty tired-" he was shutting his eyes.

"NO!" Louis suddenly had the energy to smack Harry's arm, causing him to open his eyes. "No falling asleep, or else you'll be gone again." They were both reminded of the circumstances, and they were sad again. Louis sighed. "Are you sure you're not back for good?"

"Let's shower, I'll explain after."

They showered and cleaned each other up, rinsing soap of each other's body's and washing each other's hair. Harry even sucked Louis off while they were in there and Louis really felt as if nothing was wrong. Although, he still took in every detail of every moment, knowing it's all going to end. He remembered the feeling of Harry's hair as he washed it. The feeling of his fingers trailing down his body as he rinsed the soap off. The feeling of his skin when Louis did the same. Every little detail was imprinted on Louis' brain, knowing it was the last time.

Once they were clean and dressed again they wrapped around each other in the bed and just relaxed. Their faces were close to each other and they just watched each other. Harry finally spoke up. "When I was sent back here, I had one job, and that was to give you a good day. I had to give you something to live for," he explained.

"And what's that?"

"Me. You have to live for me."

"Harry, I-"

"You can't keep doing this to yourself and expect to be happy again. When was the last time you laughed like you did with me earlier?" Harry was being serious with him. Louis couldn't even remember the last time he laughed like that.

"I-I don't know," Louis responded, because he really didn't. "How can I possibly laugh the way I laugh with you if you're not here?" He was feeling a little angry now.

"Louis, listen to me-"

"No, you listen to me," Louis untangled himself from Harry's arms and sat up. "You left me here. I know it wasn't your fault, but you're strong, right? I know you could've fought harder. You could've done it, I know you, Harry!"

"Louis-"

"No, don't ' _Louis_ ' me," he got off the bed and started pacing around the room. "Y-you expect me to be better now? After you come here, let me cry with you, have sex with me, take a shower and fall asleep, you expect me to be okay waking up to an empty bed, yet again?" He was beyond angry now. "How is that supposed to help me, Harry? Please explain that to me!" Harry stayed silent, so Louis kept going. "You think this is something to live for? Now I'm only going to want to die when you leave just to be with you again!"

"Louis-"

" _WHAT_?"

Harry jumped at Louis' tone of voice. Louis stopped pacing and was breathing heavily. He swallowed the lump in his throat. He walked into the bathroom.

"Louis wait!" Harry got off the bed and followed Louis. He was rummaging through the medicine cabinet. "Louis, what are you doing?!"

"This is what you wanted, huh?" He had two bottles of prescribed medication in his hand. "Want me to OD so I could join you in heaven? Was that your plan coming here?" He shook the bottles in Harry's face and Harry tried to grab them from Louis' hands but he was too slow.

"No! Louis that isn't what I wanted! I didn't mean to leave you here! I should've fought harder! Louis, stop!! I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry!" Louis was sobbing and his hands were shaking as he tried to open one of the bottles. "Louis, stop!" Louis got one of the bottles open. "LOUIS!" And Harry lunged forward and knocked the bottle or of Louis' hand and they both just watched the pills spill all over the white tile.

They both looked at each other, glossy eyes meeting. "Harry," Louis whispered, and Harry could barely hear him.

"Yes my love?"

"Please don't go," he begged, tears slipping from his eyes. Harry walked to Louis and wrapped his arms around him. Louis just cried into his chest, letting his emotions run wild. "Don't leave me again, please, Harry."

Harry just soothed him, cradling his head and breathing in his scent. "I love you so much, Louis. Shhh, calm down, it'll be alright."

***

It was close to 3 am and Louis was fighting to keep his eyes open. Harry was next to him in the bed. Their bed. They tried letting the TV play but ended up muting it because they wanted to hear the soothing sounds of each other's breathing.

Every once in a while one would say 'I love you' to the other, just to remind the other what their voice sounded like. It was so calm in the bedroom. There were no more tears, just breathing.

Louis didn't even realize he fell asleep, but his dreams were calm. He dreamt of Harry's arms around him and the adoration for him only grew and grew. He dreamt of his fingers laced in Harry's fluffy curls. He dreamt of happiness, and he wish he had it back permanently. But he had to let go.

***

The sun shined through his window the next morning, waking Louis up as it shines in Louis' eyes. Birds chirped and it seemed like it would be a beautiful day.

But the bed is empty. He was gone.

Louis did feel numb, he truly did. He knew that the pain of losing him again would be unbearable, and it is. He sighed and got out of bed. He went to his window and opened it, letting in some fresh air.

Louis dragged himself back into the bathroom. The pills are still scattered all over the floor and the other prescribed bottle of pills still sit on the counter. Louis picks it up and brings it back to his bed.

He sits down on the side that Harry slept on and opens the bottle. He clears his throat. "Harry?" He calls out. He doesn't know why, but he just does. "I know you're there, somewhere, so I'm just gonna talk and assume you're listening, okay?"

Silence.

"You told me to live for you, but that's a bit of a big responsibility, don't you think?" He swallows the lump in his throat as he looks around the room, then back down at the bottle of red pills. His antidepressants he never took still filled the bottle. "I don't like losing you, Harry, so I want to come with you. It's the only way I can see you like I did."

Louis looked out the window and saw a monarch butterfly land on his windowsill. Tears swelled up in his eyes. "I know it won't be easy for everyone here to lose me too, but I can't stand the thought of you not being here," he took a shaky breath and let it out. He took his water bottle from his bedside table and opened it.

"So I'm coming Harry."

He closed his eyes and downed the pills, taking a large swig of water afterwards. He placed both empty bottles on his bedside table and curled into bed, letting a single tear slip from his eye. He whispers under his breath.

"See you soon, my love."


End file.
